Always, for the First Time
by The Tilde
Summary: The Captain sets out to comfort Seven after her disastrous first date, but ends up learning a thing or two about romance and love herself.
1. Always for the First Time 1

 **Always, for the First Time (1/4)**

by thetilde ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

**Category: **J/7 shipper WAFF (Warm and Fuzzy Feeling). Involves loving intimacy between two women. If you take offense at such things, stop reading.

**Spoilers:** Minor spoilers for "Dark Frontiers" and "Someone to Watch Over Me".

**Disclaimers:** The characters and situations of the television program "Star Trek Voyager" are the creations and property of Paramount Pictures, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. However, I retain the rights to the plot. You may download and distribute this story as long as my name stays on the by-line.

**Archive: Ask and you shall receive. Contact me at omegapoint79@yahoo.com.**

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary: **The Captain sets out to teach Seven about love and romance properly.

**Author's note: **This piece of fluff was written while I was supposed to be finishing my Microeconomics paper.  The voices in my head made me do it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It may have been physically impossible, but the two men standing in the Ready Room felt as if they were being boiled alive. Captain Kathryn Janeway had marinated them in one of her piercing glares for a full five minutes before deigning to speak.

"I'm not going to launch into a long sermon about your behavior," she said sternly, "but I will say this:  I expected better of you."

The petite Captain steepled her fingertips as she paused to let them take in her words. "You were the men that Seven trusted the most on board Voyager. Now, I only hope you two won't be the first men she regrets.

The Doctor opened his mouth to explain, but Janeway quickly cut him off.  "I don't care what you were thinking or what your intentions were. I'm not just angry, I'm disappointed. I had always thought you were gentlemen… Dismissed."

Kathryn massaged the bridge of her nose as her CMO and her helmsman exited her ready room as quickly as possible. She could feel a massive migraine coming on. She had been with Tuvok for the past two days, forming diplomatic ties with the Kati and ironing out trade agreements. It wasn't that she was unused to diplomacy; it was the fact that the negotiations had to be conducted in such a puritanical environment and in such exactingly proper language. To return to her ship and find that the Doctor had been trying to turn Seven into a courtesan while Tom Paris had been goading him on and betting on the outcome had been the proverbial last straw.

She would never have intervened had it been any other crewman, but this was Seven of Nine. If it were someone with experience, someone who could hold her own in an arena of emotional conquests, it would be different. If only she were less difficult… less intelligent, less literal, less sensitive, and less brimful of that soft opalescent vulnerability.

With a twinge of guilt, Kathryn had to admit that this whole mess was partially her fault. She had been late for her meeting with the Kati ambassador, amused by the sheer volume of Seven's field research on B'Ellana and Tom, and flirting with her exquisite Astrometrics officer.

"Have you ever considered trying it for yourself?" She had said in a saucy voice. Seven had glanced at her questioningly and Kathryn had smiled. "Romance, I mean." 

Kathryn groaned. Why, why couldn't she remember to keep her big mouth shut when it came to Seven?  What the hell had she been thinking? Naturally, the young woman had plowed into the prospect, taking her words at face value. What else had she expected?

"Seven of Nine to the Captain." 

The chirp of her communicator sounded shrill in her ears, as she tapped it absently. "Yes, Seven?"

There was an audible pause. "You asked me to contact you as soon as I finished my shift, Captain."

"Oh, yes. I…" Kathryn fumbled. What was she supposed to say? Hi, I heard you had a terrible date; I want to comfort you, make sure you're all right, and have a legitimate excuse to see you for more than a velocity game… so would you have dinner with me?

"Captain?" Seven asked.

"Oh… I'm sorry Seven, I was just a bit distracted." She replied. "I was wondering if you'd like to join me for dinner."

"Certainly. I will meet you in the mess hall immediately."

Kathryn took a steadying breath. "I actually wanted to have dinner on Holodeck 2. Maybe at around 2030?" 

"Holodeck 2?" Seven echoed.

The Captain tried to keep her voice nonchalant. "I just wanted to continue the conversation we were having before I left for the negotiations."

"I see." Seven replied. "Your offer is… acceptable."

"Good. I'll see you then… Janeway out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the doors of holodeck 2 opened to the sight of a casually clad Kathryn Janeway, Seven felt her breath catch in her throat in a very un-Borg like fashion. She seldom saw the Captain in anything but her command uniform, and Seven found that she took pleasure in the times that the Captain was in civilian clothes. Tonight she was wearing grey slacks and a white cowl-necked blouse that seemed to accentuate the Captain's every curve. Seven began to regret that she hadn't inquired about the attire for dinner.

"Aren't you going to come in, Seven?"

"I simply noted that I am inappropriately dressed." Seven explained. "I shall return quickly."

"Oh no, Seven." The Captain said, quickly catching Seven's hand in her own. "What you're wearing is just fine."

Seven cocked her head to the side. "Your uniform would not have been fine?"

"I'm more comfortable in this. Are you comfortable in your bio-suit?"

"Yes." Seven replied.

"Then let's go." Kathryn grinned.

They stepped into the holodeck together and Seven noted that they were on a slow-moving boat. "Are we consuming our meal on board this vessel?"

"No, Seven," Kathryn smiled. "This is the ferry to Tiburon, which is a small harbor town near San Francisco."

Kathryn stretched her arms slowly and leaned forward against the railing. "I could always see its lights winking at me from the window of my apartment."

Seven mimicked the Captain's position, leaning out and looking towards their destination. A cool breeze swept off the shore and lifted the Captain's hair of her nape, and the smaller woman shivered and unconsciously drew closer to her. Seven fought the impulse to put her arm around the Captain, to keep her warm.

"Do you 'miss' this location, Captain?" she asked softly.

"Yes, some times more than others."

"But this is not your home."

"Oh Seven, I love Indiana… I love being with my mother and my sister. I love the fields and trees I used to play in… but San Francisco is my home too." Kathryn mused. "I suppose you could say that it's the home of my adulthood. This is where I found myself, and where, in a sense, I lived my dreams."

Seven said nothing, merely noted the timbre of the Captain's voice, and wondered if she would someday speak of Voyager in that manner.

"I suppose you think it's inefficient to take the ferry to Tiburon instead of using the transporter, or for that matter, simply programming the holodeck to open onto the island." Kathryn said after a moment of silence. "But I've always loved taking the ferry. There's something about being on the water, hearing the waves and feeling the wind in your face that relaxes you and helps you think."

Seven turned to look at the Captain, she was behaving differently tonight… The Captain would speak to her, of course, and they would argue often, but this was one of the few times that she would talk and share things with Seven. 

"Why did you choose this setting?" Seven inquired.

"Oh I needed a change of scenery, I suppose. The negotiations were… exhausting."

"If you are tired, it would be better to continue our discussion at another time."

Kathryn smiled. "Talking with you doesn't tire me out, Seven."

They fell silent as they looked across to the west.  Seven was mesmerized by the sight of the Captain's face framed by the colors of the setting sun. The sky was tinged amethyst. It had a brightness that burned behind the long clouds and made them glow around the edges. Around them the bay shimmered like a cloth of gold.

"Thank you for sharing this with me." Seven said quietly. 

"My pleasure, Seven."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ferry pulled into the slip, and Kathryn took Seven down Ark Row, pointing out the houseboats which had been beached and converted into shops and restaurants. She was pleased to see the younger woman relaxing. Seven had been even more reserved than usual since her close brush with re-assimilation. Kathryn worried about her more often than she would have liked to admit. Although Seven was infuriatingly stubborn, there was also something so fragile about her. She had this unnameable quality that made Kathryn want to treat her gently. She gazed at Seven idly, smiling as the wind ran through her hair and rushed into their mouths as they spoke. Her hair was held in an elegant French twist, the color of warm honey in the winter, the color of evening sunlight in the summer. She walked like a song sung without accompaniment.

"Seven, I'm taking you to the best restaurant on the island." Kathryn grinned, as she swung her arm upwards in an arc to encompass the small building. The wood paneled interior was visible from the large windows. The tables were covered with simple burgundy table cloths and there were sprigs of cypress and pine cones on the walls.

"Thursday's child?" Seven asked, reading the prominent sign that seemed embossed into the façade. 

A voice spoke from behind them. "It's from a very old nursery rhyme our parents used to bore us with."

Seven watched with veiled fascination as the Captain turned abruptly and emitted a peal of laughter before embracing the woman who had spoken. Although the woman was taller than the Captain, with deep brown hair and green eyes, Seven could detect a similarity in their features.

The Captain smiled. "Seven, this is my cousin Daphne."

Seven nodded and accepted the hand the holographic woman extended, feeling slightly stupid.

"Please call me Daffy, since my nomadic cousin will never use my real name when we're together." Daffy said with an infectious grin. "Pleased to meet you, Seven. Katie doesn't bring too many people to Thursday's."

"Why would I punish anyone with your food?"

The hologram only rolled her eyes. "Come in and warm yourselves. It's getting a bit nippy out here, and my wife will have my head if I don't start helping her in the kitchen."

"Your wife?" Seven asked as they walked in to the restaurant.

"Yes." Daffy replied. "I'm sure Katie hasn't talked about anything but astrophysics, philosophy, and Starfleet; but some of us actually do have families."

Kathryn laughed. "How is Tyana?"

"Sit down and you'll eventually find out." Daffy said, waving at several patrons as she walked in. "Take your regular table and we'll come join you after the crowd lets up."

Seven's eyes widened in surprise as the Captain's hand rested on the small of her back, gently guiding her to a booth in the corner. Seven allowed the gentle pressure, partly because she was having difficulty processing the unexpected variables that presented themselves for her analysis… not the least of which was the Captain's strange and yet oddly soothing behavior.

"You come here often." Seven stated.

"To the holodeck?" The Captain's eyes twinkled. "Not really. But I run this program from time to time... Do the characters bother you? I could remove them from the simulation."

"That will not be necessary." Seven replied. She remained quiet as she observed the way the Captain interacted with her "cousin".  Daffy seemed to anticipate the Captain's needs perfectly, providing her with a glass of mulled wine and adding more wood to the fire without exchanging a single word with the Captain. Seven wondered whether this was a product of programming or if the real Daffy was similarly attuned to the Captain's wishes. Seven found herself desiring that ability as well.

"Try the hot cider." Kathryn urged. 

Seven obediently took a sip from the ceramic mug that Daffy had placed in front of her. "It is pleasing."

The Captain smiled and they sat in a companionable silence for some moments. Seven read the writing that was painted on the opposite wall. 

Monday's child is fair of face

Tuesday's child is full of grace

 Wednesday's child is full of woe

 Thursday's child has far to go

 Friday's child is loving and giving

 Saturday's child works hard for a living

 But the child that's born on the Sabbath day

 is blithe and bonny, good and gay

"My aunt used to recite that to all of us when we were growing up." Kathryn explained. "Daffy and I were Thursday's children… because we were always dreaming and exploring. It didn't surprise anyone when we both got our commissions."

"She is in Starfleet as well?" Seven asked.

"Yes, she's with JAG. Daffy's explorations tend to have a radius from wherever her family is." Kathryn said. "Especially since they had Niall. Daffy dotes on him… Seven, am I boring you?"

"No."

"You seem distracted."

"I am confused." Seven admitted. "The Doctor did not inform me that individuals of the same sex could pursue a relationship."

Kathryn blinked quickly and stifled a groan. She had a good idea why he hadn't included that salient fact in his lessons. "The Doctor hasn't had much experience with relationships of this sort. And he might have assumed that you already knew."

"This changes the parameters of my research." 

Kathryn brought her hand to the bridge of her nose. "Seven…"

"I will not perform 'field research' on the crew, Captain."

"Good." Kathryn replied slowly. "Seven, when I suggested you try romance… I didn't mean for you to take a crash course in dating."

Seven cocked her head to the side, and Kathryn tried not to stare too deeply into the young woman's blue eyes.

"It was efficient." Seven stated.

"Yes, Seven… but this aspect of humanity isn't." Kathryn sighed. "Dating… romance… it's very complicated."

Seven raised her implant in tacit agreement. "Although the Doctor's lessons were tiresome, they were instructive. I wished to know how to behave in these situations."

"Why? You've never been concerned with propriety before. You used to think it was inefficient."

Seven looked away, unwilling to meet the other woman's eyes. Kathryn waited patiently; knowing that if she stayed quiet for long enough, Seven would be forced to fill the silence.

"Captain, why did you want me to know about romance… and love?" 

Kathryn trembled as Seven's lips caressed those syllables. "For humans, and for a great many species, love is… well, it's everything. It's perfection.  Individuals are never perfect, but love can be."

She paused to sip her wine, watching Seven ponder her words.

"And this behavior: small talk, dancing… this romance is necessary in order to attain love?"

"No, Seven."  Kathryn said, shaking her head and unconsciously reaching over to place her arm tenderly on Seven's wrist. "Romance can be part of love, but you shouldn't confuse love for romance."

Kathryn spoke bemusedly, as if Seven weren't really there. "You can waste so much time looking for the perfect lover, instead of trying to create the perfect love."  

Seven looked at her intently, and Kathryn blushed as she realized she was rhapsodizing.

"Perfection is an unacceptable goal in this activity?" Seven asked.

"Not unacceptable, just ill-advised." Kathryn insisted. "Love is not a meritocracy, Seven. You don't have to behave in a certain way in order to attain it."

"It would be sub-optimal not to behave in a manner that would not encourage the other person to care for you. It is prudent to present one's 'best foot forward' and to sublimate any undesirable qualities… all my research to date points to this conclusion."

"Seven, you should never feel that you have to hide anything from the one you love; you only need to be yourself." Kathryn said quietly. "If someone really loves you, it will not matter what you wear or what kind of mood you're in or if you don't have perfectly compatible interests."

"The Doctor told me that these were important considerations."

"They're not as important as trust, fidelity, a sense of humor, and enough humility to compromise…"

"The components of a friendship." Seven observed.

"That's usually the best place to start." The Captain replied. "Romance isn't as important as the underlying friendship between two people."

"Then what is the purpose of romance?" 

"Well, it's just… nice… to be taken care of sometimes." Kathryn hedged. "And well… when you care about someone deeply, you want to make them feel special, to let them know how you feel."

Seven opened her mouth to speak but the chirp of her communicator cut her off.

"Celes to Seven of Nine, please report to Astrometrics."

Kathryn tilted her head with a rueful smile. "Go ahead, Seven. I'll order dinner for us."

She watched Seven leave the holodeck, mesmerized yet again by the subtle grace and the nascent tenderness in her movements. 

"That girl has no defense against affection, Katie. You be good." Daffy interrupted, putting down another glass of mulled wine.

"Me?"

"Me?" Daffy mimicked. "Yes you, Janeway. You're the one she's dating."

"We're not dating. She's just a good friend." 

Daffy rolled her eyes as she sat down. "Ah yes, this is only a friendly dinner."

"I'm serious."

"So am I." Daffy replied. "There's more than friendship there, on both sides. I can see it in the way you look at each other, the way that you talk to her… and the way you touch her."

"The point is moot, Daff. She's my astrometrics officer."

"And so you insist on sticking to a regulation that hasn't even been officially codified? It's not even actionable."

"It's not done." Kathryn said with finality.

"When the hell has that stopped you?" Daffy asked. "Stop masquerading as a scorn-eyed anti-romantic. Love is seldom answered by love in this universe. You should be insanely grateful."

"You talk as if I've never been intimate with anyone before. "

"You haven't."

"What are you talking about?" Kathryn asked, her patience wearing thin.

"Katie, you always keep yourself separate. You keep working to maintain that artificial boundary with other people, especially with your lovers."

"I'm a Captain."

"You're a coward." Daffy retorted. "You're scared of admitting your feelings about her… because to know there is a choice is to have to make that choice."

Kathryn was torn between throttling the hologram and telling the computer to remove the character. 

"I just want you to be happy, Katie." Daffy said softly. "I love you."

Kathryn sighed and wondered how she had programmed this with such accuracy. "I love you too, Daff. I just…"

"Don't like hearing the truth." The hologram finished, flashing a brilliant smile.

Kathryn shook her head ruefully. "She's been having such a hard time adjusting to her humanity, to the ship, the crew, the command structure… She's not ready for anything like that."

"Did she tell you that?"

"Well, no but…"

"Then why not just see where it goes and enjoy your evening." Daffy said sagely. "Why not just let life take you where it will for once? You didn't use to be afraid of sailing blindfolded."

Kathryn smiled sadly. "That was a different time, different person."

"She's still in there… behind the Captain and beyond Kathryn." Daffy replied. "Why not leave them outside for a while?"


	2. Always for the First Time 2

**Always, for the First Time (2/4) **

by thetilde ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

**Category: **J/7 shipper WAFF (Warm and Fuzzy Feeling). Involves loving intimacy between two women. If you take offense at such things, stop reading.

**Spoilers:** None.

**Disclaimers:** The characters and situations of the television program "Star Trek Voyager" are the creations and property of Paramount Pictures, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. However, I retain the rights to the plot. You may download and distribute this story as long as my name stays on the by-line.

**Archive: Ask and you shall receive. Contact me at omegapoint79@yahoo.com.**

**Rating:** PG

**Summary: **Ever the efficient crew member, Seven makes the most of her time away from the holodeck.

**Author's note: **There are still ANCs (annoying new characters) in this chapter but I've tried to keep them out of your way.

**Dedication: **This chapter is for Kitty, a serendipitous kindred spirit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seven of Nine walked through the ship efficiently. She had been irritated by the Bajoran ensign's incessant need for her work to be verified, but the time away from the Captain had been fruitful. The most recent telemetry would be welcome news for the crew, and had indeed merited her presence. Seven had also ascertained several possible explanations for the Captain's irregular behavior. She knit her brows in thought. Seven kept thinking of the gentle way the Captain had touched her. It made her feel… cherished. 

Seven theorized that the Captain's actions were a function of the prolonged distance from her family and friends, especially at this significant time. Then again, perhaps the Captain was merely having an "off day" and had not even remembered the corresponding date on the Julian calendar. Either way, Seven had decided to come to the holodeck prepared.

"Computer, alter program parameters according to Seven Phi sixty." She commanded crisply.

"Access denied, authorization Janeway Alpha four twelve."

Seven knelt to access a maintenance panel and deftly replaced an isolinear chip. "Override lock, authorization Seven Omega Chi."

"Access granted." The computer replied pleasantly.

The young woman made several changes to the program's parameters and entered the simulation. She walked down Ark Row purposefully and was slightly surprised to see two holograms at their table. The Captain was nowhere to be found.

"She's nipped out to the loo, for a bit." The other hologram said by way of explanation. "I'm Tyana, Daphne's wife."

"Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One."

"Pleased to meet you, Seven of Nine." Tyana replied, shaking Seven's hand heartily. "Have a seat. Katie ordered you a ham, cheese, and mushroom crepe in béchamel sauce."

"It looks… appetizing." Seven said. She had always found it convenient to practice her social lessons on holograms. They were… simpler… than the actual crew of Voyager.

"Katie doesn't bring too many of her friends here. And she hardly ever sees her staff socially." Tyana smiled. "You must be very close."

Seven tilted her head thoughtfully. There was something very welcoming about this hologram, she reminded Seven of the way Neelix would always treat her solicitously but always careful never to pry.

"The Captain is a good friend." Seven stated. "We engage in many activities during our off-duty periods."

"Oh?" Daffy asked.

"Velocity, art, meals…" Seven enumerated. 

"She really likes you." Daffy said matter-of-factly.

"Indeed." 

"Katie is a funny person." Daffy elaborated.  "I can only tell when she likes people by the way she rests her hands on them and in her voice when she talks to them. But with you… I can almost hear the way her fingers creak as she lets go of her pride."

Seven chewed her food thoughtfully. She had recently discovered that chewing was an excellent way to excuse herself from commenting on an issue that she found confusing.

The dark haired hologram – was Tyana Betazoid? – patted her arm comfortingly. "Katie's a bit standoffish really, but she's as sound and sweet as an apple. Bit dodgy now and again, but you can always tell her to bugger off."

"Excuse me?" Seven replied.

Daffy laughed. "Tyana is from a part of Terra that is under the mass dilution that they speak English."

"While Daffy can't blame any extraneous factors for her conduct." Tyana finished.

"And that's a polite way of putting it." The Captain's voice made Seven turn in her seat. Janeway was cradling a toddler of about two years old who was toying with the pips on her uniform.

Tyana took the child from the Captain and she and Daffy made a discreet exit.

"Whatever they told you, it's not true." The Captain said, a chuckle lacing her voice.

"They were pleasant." Seven said lightly.

"Was there anything wrong at Astrometrics?" Janeway asked politely. Kathryn knew full well that if there had been something amiss she would have been summoned to the bridge instantly. She'd trained Harry well.

"On the contrary, Captain. Crewman Celes has found a Class M moon both rich with dilithium deposits and suitable for shore leave." Seven said. "Celes stated that it resembled an environment on the smaller moon of Tellar… the Srapeian Cove?"

"The Cove?" Kathryn leaned forward in anticipation. "Ensign Craner and Crewman Boylan will be thrilled. They've always had a fascination for spelunking."

"The exploration of caves and grottos?" Seven clarified. 

"Yes." Kathryn grinned. "The Tellarites are an irascible species that are extremely prone to debates. It took them years to argue about joining the Federation. I once got into an argument with a Tellarian biophysicist about dynamic sub-unit exchange in the heat-shock proteins of Denebian slime slugs… it was the longest conference of my life."

Seven raised an eyebrow. "Why is this cove relevant for potential shore leave?"

"Because the caves in the Srapeian Cove echo nearly every sound, the Tellarites are forced to be quiet." Kathryn laughed. "It's been a welcome respite for centuries. Tuvok will be glad for some space to meditate. I'm sure the xenopaleontologists could find some fascinating fossils. And the rest of the crew will probably enjoy camping in some of the grottos. The Doctor may even take it into his head to perform a concert."

Seven frowned. "He has asked me repeatedly to join him in such a pursuit."

"Seven, I didn't know you could sing."

"It is not for public consumption." Seven replied.

"I'm sure your singing isn't that bad if the Doctor wants to do a couple of duets with you."

"The quality of my voice is perfect." Seven stated. "However, that does not imply that I desire to perform for 150 individuals."

"How about just one?" Kathryn wheedled. The idea of Seven singing piqued her curiosity. She wondered what type of music Seven enjoyed. An endearing half-smile was lurking at the corners of the young woman's mouth.

"Perhaps," Seven said, "I will sing to Naomi Wildman."

The sardonic glare that the Captain shot at her made Seven feel oddly… warm inside. Was this a rational reaction? She had not meant to imply that she would not sing for the Captain, only… why had she said she would sing for Naomi? The Captain was smiling and relaxed, more than Seven had ever seen her, she had not misinterpreted Seven's words. The young woman's eyes widened as she remembered where she had observed this interaction, and a tiny part of her glimmered with… anticipation? Hope? Seven couldn't seem to isolate the feeling, drawn insistently into the Captain's clear blue eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kathryn hadn't enjoyed herself this much in years. Dimly, she had acknowledged from the very beginning that Seven was an intoxicatingly beautiful woman. But Kathryn had no idea that the young woman could be so… charming. Seven was like a gift that she was forever opening, an unearned and unlooked for pleasure she had stumbled over in her recklessness.

An undercurrent of guilt was still running through her thoughts, but Kathryn quashed the building pressure to gently probe into Seven's first date. She certainly wanted Seven to continue exploring this aspect of humanity and make sure that the Doctor's meddling hadn't ruined her interest in dating, but there was time enough for that later. Best to let the conversation progress naturally and subtly sound out Seven's feelings about the matter.

By now, many of the patrons had left the restaurant, the candles on most tables had been snuffed out, and the fire cast an alluring glow around Seven's face. Kathryn rested her chin on her entwined fingers.

"Captain?" Seven ventured, curious about the sudden silence.

"Seven, have I ever told you…" Kathryn paused. "I'm very proud of how far you've come, Seven. I know it hasn't been easy."

Seven considered this for a moment, a strange expression on her face.

"I know it might have seemed that you were simply a charitable project I indulged in my spare time, but your adjustment… it's very important to me. And I'm so proud of you, Seven." Kathryn repeated. 

"I also feel pride in what I have accomplished." Seven admitted quietly, no longer surprised when the Captain reached for her hand. The words had cost her much.

Seven continued slowly. "I am aware that my efforts are not sufficient."

Kathryn held the young woman's hand tightly. "Seven, you shouldn't…"

Seven shook her head, laying her Borg-meshed hand gently over the Captain's.

"Look…" Seven said softly.

Kathryn couldn't stifle the smile that spread across her face. Snow was falling from thick, bunched clouds; gently covering the multi-colored roofs of Tiburon. 

"How did you-?"

Seven shook her head again, still cradling the Captain's hand tenderly within her own. Kathryn arched an eyebrow in silent confusion. Seven's nodded her head towards the window, and the Captain looked outside once more with a bemused smile.

For a moment she couldn't determine what had changed, if anything, and then she saw it. A transporter beam was slowly shimmering into life and gradually beaming something onto the holodeck. Kathryn watched in fascination as something was deposited in the snow at painstakingly sluggish rate.

"Would you like to go outside, Captain?" Seven asked.

The answering smile she received made Seven look away shyly. The Captain held on to her hand, so excited by this new development that she bolted out of the restaurant without another word.

Kathryn crouched outside expectantly, wondering what all this was all about, knowing that Seven was behind it, and trying not to spoil the young woman's fun by asking her any questions. When the transporter beam faded away, it left a medium-sized box wrapped in blue and silver paper.

"Is it…" Kathryn looked up at Seven. "Is it for me?"

"Perhaps it is for the holograms." Seven deadpanned.

The Captain laughed and Seven's chest was suffused with warmth. She wondered if anyone had informed the Captain of how…beautiful she was when she laughed.

Kathryn tore through the wrapping paper and ripped open the box, unable to wait a moment longer to see what was inside. After removing the tissue inside the box, she gasped as she gently lifted out its contents.  She looked at the gift silently, pondering each detail as she turned it around in her hand.

"It is a 1/24 scale glass replica of each vessel in your career." Seven said helpfully when the Captain remained silent. "I had planned to present it to you on your birthday."

The Captain's silence pressed on Seven's chest like a weight, and when the young woman spoke her words were strung together like school children crossing a street. "I was not aware that this time was particularly significant to humans and was not able to research the appropriate expressions for this occasion thoroughly. I will replace the gift."

The Captain took her hand quickly, careful not to drop the delicate glass sculpture. "No… Seven, it's beautiful… I… I don't know what to say."

Kathryn was awed by the intricacy of each ship. She knew that Seven could be precise to at least eight decimal places, but she had no idea that she could create something like this. The Al-Batani stood proudly at the base, it's hull duck-egg blue. Each starship she had served on was positioned in mid-flight as if they were on a spiral staircase. The USS Billings had a large gash across its hull, just the way she had brought it back to Earth, a testament to the battle she and Tuvok had won against two Romulan warbirds. And Voyager was nearest the top, shot through with cerulean blue and sporting a blood red primary deflector.

"What is this recess at the top for?" Kathryn asked. "Another ship?"

Seven smiled. "It is a receptacle for your pips, Captain."

Kathryn grinned. She didn't know whether to laugh out loud or to hug Seven or both. So she stood there awkwardly, holding the sculpture in the palm of her left hand as if it were a tray of food, and holding Seven's hand in her right. She felt Seven tighten her grip gently. Kathryn turned away from her gift and looked into Seven's luminous eyes.

"Merry Christmas, Captain."


	3. Always for the First Time 3

**Always, for the First Time (3/?) **

by thetilde ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

**Category: **J/7 shipper WAFF (Warm and Fuzzy Feeling). Involves loving intimacy between two women. If you take offense at such things, stop reading.

**Spoilers:** None.

**Disclaimers:** The characters and situations of the television program "Star Trek Voyager" are the creations and property of Paramount Pictures, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. However, I retain the rights to the plot. You may download and distribute this story as long as my name stays on the by-line.

**Archive: **Ask and you shall receive. Contact me at omegapoint79@yahoo.com.

**Rating:** PG

**Summary: **Kathryn and Seven's dinner metamorphoses into a philosophical discussion, with surprising and tragic results.

**Author's note: **A big bucket of gratitude to Timerunner, whose dream inspired this unanticipated direction of the story. For more about Andorian dueling, check out the Iceni fleet's information on Andorian culture. 

**Dedication: **For Arachnia, in the hopes that she continues to write.

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Seven found herself averting her eyes from the Captain's as they continued their meal. The smaller woman had been quiet, often looking at the sculpture Seven had created and smiling so brilliantly at the young borg that Seven could feel her stomach tingling and her face becoming progressively warmer. She wondered if the cider was to blame for these irregular reactions to the Captain's patent delight.

"Seven," Kathryn asked quietly, "what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Nothing of note, Captain." Seven responded. "Routine diagnostics of Astrometrics and performance reviews of the staff for Commander Chakotay."

"Oh." Kathryn mumbled. Seven could pass off the diagnostics to other crewmen, but the performance reviews would have to be on time. In fact, she had a pile on her ready room desk that she had to go over.

"Do you require assistance, Captain?" Seven asked. "I can finish my tasks upon the completion of the beta shift, if that is convenient for you."

"I… ah… No, Seven. I'm fine. It's just…" Kathryn said uncertainly. 

Seven tilted her head and raised an enquiring eyebrow at the Captain. "Are you sure my gift has no defects?"

"Oh no, Seven. It's beautiful." Kathryn replied quickly. "It's just that… well, the Christmas season is about giving things to the people you care about, and I want to give you something as well."

"You give me many things, Captain." Seven said softly.

Kathryn shook her head, her red hair dancing in the fire's glow. "Perhaps I don't give you enough… you know I can't return the gesture. A present from me could be viewed as favoritism. But it just occurred to me Seven, that all the time we have together is spent doing things that I like and that I'm interested in."

"You do not engage in recreational activities often because your duties as Captain frequently preclude relaxation." Seven pointed out. "I am happy to accompany you in any of these pursuits when you have sufficient time."

"That's just it, Seven." Kathryn insisted. "I've been selfish with my time, perhaps rightfully so, as you point out, but you work just as hard as I do, and we should do what you like… once or twice."

Seven raised an eyebrow primly as the Captain grinned at her.

"Come on, Seven, you must enjoy doing other things during your spare time." Kathryn prodded. 

Seven dropped her gaze and responded shyly. "I have recently begun to study recreational activities native to the Alpha Quadrant that the crew enjoys pursuing."

"Such as?"

"The Doctor has recently encouraged me to develop my interests in music, but I have also begun some preliminary holodeck experiments in a variety of games and sports." Seven elaborated. "Many of them are not sufficiently challenging such as Kal-toh, Scrabble, Hockey or Paresi Squares. However some have required an increasing amount of effort to play well, both mentally and physically, such as Andorian dueling."

"You duel?" Kathryn asked with surprise. "Seven, I had no idea."

"I have found that Andorian duels in the classical style outlined in the Ushaan are much more structured than ancient Terran fencing."

"I seem to recall that they don't allow counterstrikes, only parries and blocks."

Seven nodded, pleased that the Captain was familiar with the sport. "However, the leeway is significantly increased in the widespread form of off-world legal dueling that combines both Terran and Ushaan rules. The activity is…" Seven searched for a word. "Exhilarating."

"Are you any good?"

"I believe the holographic Master would grudgingly admit that I am adequate." Seven said confidently. "His judgment is not accurate, however, since I had to change many of the existing parameters of his instruction in order to account for my increased strength and stamina."

Kathryn's laughter filled the holodeck. "Seven, this is wonderful. You realize of course that you'll have to show me your moves now. Do you use the Andorian Chaka, an epee or a saber?"

"I find I am 'partial' to the saber because of its directness and efficiency at cutting an opponent down. The Chaka is also useful as it allows me to punch, slash, chop and thrust with equal ease." Seven admitted. "However, I have yet to find a weapon that is suitably efficient for my style of dueling."

Kathryn smiled. Seven's honesty and guilelessness, the young woman's complete lack of false modesty, were always so refreshing.

"Do you fence, Captain?"

Kathryn gave her a sheepish grin. "When I got to the academy, Seven, the last thing I wanted to do was take up another traditional sport. I'm afraid that the Velocity court is the only place I can spar with you. But I happen to know that Lt. Jabari from the Bioneural Engineering lab was the Academy's classical fencing and kendo champion for years until she joined the Maquis. Have you ever considered having a match against her? Chakotay tells me she's quite a duelist as well."

"I…" Seven blanched. "Lieutenant Jabari is part of the reason I included Andorian dueling on my list of recreational sports."

"Oh?" Kathryn asked, not immediately seeing the connection.

Seven sighed. "Lieutenant Jabari's brother, Commander Akia Jabari, was assimilated during the battle at Wolf 359. As she is one quarter Andorian, there is a statistical probability that she may one day challenge me."

Kathryn started in her chair. "Seven, Ramla's father was my professor in Fundamental Xenodiplomacy and Ramla is possibly the most soft-spoken and tolerant individual on board aside from Neelix!"

"The statistical probab-"

"Seven," Kathryn interrupted, "you can't tell me that you've factored in the possible disapproval of each individual crew member into your hobbies."

"Only their reactions to my presence on board." Seven retorted hotly. "I have enhanced senses, Captain. I know what this collective says about me as I walk among them."

"Oh Seven…" Kathryn said, bringing her hands to her temples as she tried to massage the pain she felt gathering like nimbus clouds within her skull.

"There is no need to pity me, Captain." Seven's voice was laden with steel. "I am quite capable of performing my duties and defending myself, if the need arises. I have no plans of attacking the crew."

"Seven, I just feel bad that..." Kathryn began to explain, but she was stopped cold by Seven's expression.

"I have found, Captain, that I dislike pity as much as I dislike small talk." Seven stated. "It is an inefficient waste of time that denies reality and prevents action. The crew of Voyager often feels pity for those they consider beneath them, and conduct small talk only when they are uncomfortable around strangers. All this was unnecessary with the Borg."

"Alright, I'll grant you that they're neither the most efficient nor the most politically correct of behaviors." Kathryn replied, holding a hand up to forestall Seven's interruption. "However, pity often stems from compassion. Small talk and social discourse may seem a meandering way of getting to know one another better, but it is clearly less abrasive than point blank questions about one's interests and views. You must have certainly believed that or else you would never have taken my suggestion about dating."

Kathryn paused to take a breath, glad that she had gotten the conversation back on track. Seven had that strange expression on her face again, and heedlessly Kathryn decided to plunge on. "Now, I'm not arguing that the Borg aren't paragons of efficiency, but if we applied their efficiency, if not their methods, to all human interaction you would skip all pleasantries and social interactions that are the foundation of any worthwhile relationship."

"But then copulation could ensue immediately." Seven interrupted and it was Kathryn's turn to turn pale before she recovered her train of thought.

"Well, Seven, that would be true, but there's more than just sex involved when you have a relationship, especially one that you intend to last for long time." Kathryn explained.

Seven looked at the Captain curiously, as the smaller woman continued with her argument.

"Which brings me to the one glaring flaw that I see in the Collective," Kathryn elaborated, "the Borg completely fail to address the interior dimensions, the subjective and intersubjective realms -- which was why a species that possess this specific failing, even depend on it, is such a threat to the Queen and to the whole concept of the Collective in general. And make no mistake, Seven, our individuality is certainly a threat…. In fact, social niceties such as dating are inefficient precisely because its true value cannot be reduced to mere external components like efficiency and functional fit. The reason we manage to thwart the Collective again and again is precisely because we continue to value these interior dimensions, and that has allowed us to evolve past the point which the Collective is the exemplar – rationality."

Seven pondered this as the Captain took a sip of her now cold glass of mulled wine. The young woman remembered the many times the Captain managed to hatch an unorthodox plan through sheer intuition that would have taken far longer to even consider with rational decision making, probabilities and computing. Seven recalled the countless times Commander Chakotay's vision quests provided the answer to Voyager's dilemmas, and how Tuvok turned to meditation and Vulcan tenets, even though he was the most logical member of the crew.

"Even your sculpture is proof of my point, since it's only incidentally functional and primarily an aesthetic undertaking." Kathryn said, bringing Seven's attention back to the matter at hand. "And that's why I love your gift, Seven. The drone I met last year would have scoffed at this and deemed it irrelevant. But there is so much more of you in this gift, Seven, than I would have ever anticipated. You could have easily replicated a standard cuboidal receptacle for my pips, but instead you put so much effort and time… so much of who you are as an individual into its creation."

"So what matters in this date," Seven said, "is not what we hope to achieve at the end, but it is the pleasure that we derive simply from being in each other's company? I had not considered that before, primarily because I would view it as an inefficient use of my time."

"Precisely, because of the lack of, or the poor returns of, any external consequence of the action, yes… I…" Kathryn sputtered, nearly choking on her wine. "Date?"

The Captain's gaze followed Seven's as she belatedly realized how possessively tender her grasp on Seven's hand had become. Had she been holding Seven's hand all night?

"Is this not a date, Captain?" Seven asked in a quiet voice that went to the Captain's heart.

Kathryn swallowed, opting to remain silent for what seemed an eternity. "I… would you like it to be?"

"No." Seven paused. "According to the Doctor, dating is a human ritual wherein two people share a social activity, get to know each other, and in time it can lead to a romantic involvement and eventually if all goes well, even marriage."

Kathryn felt her blood draining from every limb and rushing to her face as her heart shot up to her larynx.

Seven smiled slowly. "When I am with you, Captain, I find that I do not want to think or analyze our activities or my place in this collective or my future in the Alpha Quadrant. Being with you is like a sun shining only for me. It pleases me to be in your company. I also derive pleasure from who I am when I am with you, because you seem to like who I am. I am content to enjoy you, to enjoy the moments I am with you, no matter what activity we are engaged in."

Seven's eyes suddenly broke contact with the Captain's as her palm turned over to hold the smaller woman's hand gently. "I… I find that I enjoy it when you hold my hand and when you touch me. I wish to touch you as well."

Kathryn knew she was going to faint, wake up in her own bed, or hear the red alert klaxons go off… possibly all three. She looked at Seven and refused to believe that the younger woman had just stood up and gently urged her into a standing position.

Seven nervously put an arm around the Captain's waist, and, not sure of what to do with the hand that held her own, simply placed the Captain's hand on her heart as she closed the distance between them.

Kathryn watched, mesmerized as Seven leaned down haltingly, the young woman's mouth getting closer and closer, and she felt her eyelids drooping -- only to fly open again in surprise as she felt Seven's lips brush -- not her mouth, but her cheek... and then her jaw line. Soft, velvet kisses that caused her to tremble ever so slightly in Seven's arms, as the young woman held her tenderly.

"Computer, end program." Kathryn said hoarsely, using Seven's momentary surprise to extricate herself from her embrace.

The glass sculpture, placed securely on the holographic table, fell to the floor and shattered immediately after the holograms dematerialized.

"Seven, I…" Kathryn said, turning from the remains of her Christmas present to the horrified look on Seven's beautiful face. "I'm sorry. I can't. I… I'm so sorry, Seven."

Kathryn ran out of the holodeck, oblivious to the curious stares of passing crewmen, tears burning in her eyes as she realized that she would never, ever be able to forget the pain in Seven's eyes and that nothing would ever be the same.


End file.
